A Smarter, Faster Way to
Adult ADHD Puzzle—
Including in Relationships
Speed Your Learning Curve &
Slow Your ADHD Roller Coaster
At Your Own Pace, In Your Own Space
If you’ve lived with Adult ADHD—in yourself or a loved one—you know it can feel impossible to grasp the depth, breadth, and sheer variety of potential challenges.
That goes double when the diagnosis comes later in life. It’s like nailing Jell-O to the wall.
What started in childhood as this highly variable syndrome called ADHD morphs into a murky mix of
- Negative or at least distorted feedback and self-talk, and
- Counter-productive coping responses (along with some useful ones).
If you’re like most of us, you keep spinning in the same old circles—as an individual or a couple. Too often, you’ll blame yourself. Or each other. Or both!
Even when you try to “seek professional help,” who do you see? How do you assess expertise? What should you expect of an evaluation—and how do you help it along? What about couple therapy?
Over 20 years I’ve learned this: We cannot depend on the average mental health clinician to understand ADHD—or know how to help us. From evaluation to treatment. We must self-educate first.
I’m so glad you’re here. You’ve come to the right place.
Imagine How It Feels...
(you know which ones I mean!)
With Your Guide: Gina Pera
Readers ask me, “Gina, were you a fly on the wall in my house?!”
Yes, I’ve listened closely to your stories (thousands of them) and your struggles—and lived a few myself! I know where you get stuck—and how to help clear your path.
- You might know my first book, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?
- Maybe you follow my blog, ADHD Roller Coaster.
- Russell Barkley, PhD, a preeminent ADHD expert—and YouTube Rockstar—invited me to write the first-ever chapter on couple therapy for his clinical guide.
- Psychologist and veteran ADHD expert Arthur L. Robin, PhD, and I created Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions. Because standard individual or couple therapy cannot help you with ADHD-related challenges—and risks making things worse.
Disclosure: I have never accepted pharmaceutical industry support of any kind. Industry funding of research can be a good thing, if the researchers have integrity and disclose the funding. Too much of what we see on the Internet, however, is influenced by one company in particular, with an agenda that doesn’t always serve our interests.
- Husband diagnosed in 1999, thanks to my efforts to
"explain the inexplicable"
- Leading for 16 years the first and online online group for the partners of adults with ADHD—10,000 members and 14,000 posts to date
- Leading two face-to-face groups in Silicon Valley for 15 years: One for adults with ADHD, one for “partners of”
- Reading hundreds of published research papers
- Conducting the first and most comprehensive survey on Adult ADHD and relationships, with findings included in Dr. Russell Barkley’s clinical guide
- Blogging at ADHD Roller Coaster, the first website on adult ADHD, where since 2008 I’ve covered the research, real-life issues, and pragmatic challenges such as navigating the flood of inferior Concerta generics.
- Attending and presenting at high-level conferences on ADHD, including internationally
- Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Endorsed by a Who’s Who of preeminent experts
- “Counseling Couples with ADHD: the first-ever chapter couple therapy in the 4th revision of Russell Barkley, PhD's clinical handbook
- Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions — with Arthur L. Robin, PhD, the first clinical guide for treating ADHD-challenged couples
Which Pieces Puzzle You?
There’s nothing cookie-cutter about ADHD—or you.
People with ADHD are individuals, not clones! Same for their partners and other loved ones.
Your ADHD puzzle doesn’t look exactly like your friend’s or that person’s on YouTube.
Sure, you share common challenges— disorganization, listening , remembering, and more. To one degree or another.
Yet, in my experience, you start feeling truly in control of your life only when you, as the adult with ADHD and/or the partner:
- Start methodically untangling your particular threads—symptoms vs. poor coping responses vs. “couple dynamic”
- Adopt an optimistic, problem-solving mindset
- Revise counterproductive misinterpretations—that thwart your best attempts to create change
- Reverse dysfunctional patterns—that drain you of energy and hope
- Adopt new coping responses—and stop the old, destructive ones
- Take steps to manage core symptoms—but first identifying what they are!
- Get traction on tasks large and small—by supporting Executive Functions
- Enjoy more success in life, at home, on the job—more fun, less frustration
- Spend more time doing what you mean to—instead of what you end up doing
- Become a savvy mental-healthcare consumer
- Enjoy your relationship—with fewer arguments, more teamwork, and more joy and intimacy
By puzzling the pieces of your particular experience of ADHD. One by one.
Starting with the course and support I’m offering to you right now.
Is This Course for
Couples or Individuals?
Yes, we’ll cover core relationship pitfalls—and how to start climbing out of them.
Yet…. you’ll find the focus so much bigger, deeper, and broader than “ADHD Relationships”.
Why? Well, what distinguishes “ADHD Relationships” from other relationships? ADHD.
“ADHD Relationship” issues center on:
1. ADHD-related challenges
2. Each partner’s understanding of and reaction to these challenges
Might the “non-ADHD partner” also have issues? Of course. But typically, we don’t have clarity until we solve the Adult ADHD pieces of your puzzle.
As an individual with ADHD? This course will help you improve your relationship with yourself and your ADHD! And your future self! And others. Whether or not they join you in this course.
As a spouse, intimate partner, or other loved one? This course will provide all-important validation and education. I recommend this before ever approaching your “ADHD-resistant” loved one about pursuing an evaluation. (Trust me, things go much better this way!)
As a couple? Everything that challenges the adult with ADHD challenges the partner—and the relationship itself. Expecting the partner to constantly accommodate and compensate for is a recipe for exhaustion—and also shortchanges the ADHD partner.
Joint education and teamwork speed your learning curve and put you on a happier path.
We'll Cover 9 Essential Goals
Goal: Building a strong foundation in our modern, scientific understanding of what ADHD is—and is not.
When we operate from misinformation—or scattered bits— our footing remains slippery. We might even remain stuck in “denial.”
You might feel well-educated on Adult ADHD—and you might be.
But consider for a moment that ADHD is a huge “market” these days—and the Internet has no watchdog. Neither does book-publishing.
How can you tell expert consensus from random opinions? By learning with a respected guide.
This is your life we’re talking about. Your future. Facts and evidence matter.
Goal: Know what makes the ADHD diagnosis in general—and in your case. Step by step.
Even adults diagnosed long ago can remain unclear about the how they were evaluated.
Lack of clarity fosters uncertainty or skepticism —and impedes progress.
How can you track treatment goals—and celebrate progress—if your specific symptoms remain vague?
Not yet diagnosed? If you believe the anti-psychiatry critics online, you might view the ADHD diagnostic criteria as simply one or two behaviors, such as procrastinating and forgetting.
Reviewing the criteria—the specific symptoms and how they add up to a diagnosis—can help streamline solutions.
It can also help you to work best with the evaluating or treating professional. To be pro-active, not passive.
Goal: Know what should happen throughout the evaluation process— and boost your confidence as a mental healthcare consumer.
- Basic evaluation process
- Downloadable intake forms
- Q&A on the basics
- Why third-party support can be a smart strategy
- Tips on finding a professional to perform the evaluation or provide other ADHD treatment
Goal: Learn all about the key to optimizing your planning and time-management
We approach Executive Functioning from six essential angles :
- Drilling down into the specific Functions (e.g. planning, organizing, visualizing rewards, etc.)
- Eavesdropping on a couple where Executive Functions went missing in action. It’s a too-common scenario that illustrates how long-running conflicts often spring from poor EF.
- Reframe our couple’s long-running conflict through the EF lens. (One small habit change could prevent future calamities!)
- Understanding how non-ADHD savvy therapy tends to misperceive EF-related challenges as intentional or pathological behaviors.
- Clear emotional roadblocks that prevent getting organized around time and tasks.
- Revisit a tragic accident from 1848—often credited with paving the way to the EF models. (Surprise! Brain affects behavior)
Goal: Identifying the misinterpretations and poor coping responses that fuel your ADHD Triple Whammy Roller Coaster. As an individual and as a couple.
In the introductory module, we took a sneak peek. Here, we go deep.
We explore how each person’s Triple Whammy Roller Coaster develops over time. Typically in three stages—symptoms, misinterpretations, coping responses.
Once you start distinguishing core symptoms from “bad habits”, you gain clarity on handling each.
Suddenly, your coaster becomes a smoother, more enjoyable ride.
Goal: De-tangling your day-to-day interactions to see exactly where misinterpretations and counterproductive coping responses are creating problems.
Think of the Dysfunctional Interaction Cycle as how your Triple Whammy Roller Coaster plays out on a micro-day-to-day level.
It is loosely based on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) adapted for ADHD and is a centerpiece of our Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy™ model.
This four-phase cycle happens so quickly—our thoughts and emotions so automatic—we don’t even notice it.
In this step, you identify your negative cycles—and take steps to turn those gears in a positive direction.
Goal: Giving yourself the time and space to absorb news of the ADHD diagnosis, actual or likely
Have you taken the opportunity to sort through the mix of emotions — from relief to grief?
- Why this process has lasting importance
- Expect reactions to shift, especially in the early days
- Explore the stages of reactions, as noted by two ADHD researchers: first for the adults with ADHD and then for their loved ones and partners
- Think about what acceptance of the diagnosis means
Goal: Getting clear on which strategies will help most—and why
- Optimizing medication and sleep
- Using new tools and habits to support Executive Functioning
- Improving communication and seeing how CBT for ADHD can apply to couples.
Future courses cover these topics in-depth.
Goal: Taking stock of your situation, as an individual or a couple, and how you plan to move forward.
You’ll find tools to help you establish your baseline situation—and target goals one by one.
If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you’re there?
These tools also help you can measure and celebrate the progress to come.
Are you thinking, “Gina, please. I think I’ll remember if there are positive changes”?
Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. You might be surprised at what some folks forget. And, I don’t mean just those with ADHD!
You Deserve Better
Maybe you’ve already tried therapy—and even medication.
It might have worked for a while. Or, did it made things worse?
Did those prescribers and therapists truly have ADHD expertise? Odds are, no. But how do you know?
At the very least, you might be wondering: Is that as good as it gets?
Most likely, no, life can get a whole lot better.
Unfortunately, the mental-health profession has not yet caught up to the needs of ADHD-challenged individuals and couples.
Yet, top clinicians and research scientists have given us solid direction on what works.
My mission for 20 years is bringing to you the information, validation, and evidence-based strategies that can truly elevate your life.
Can You COVID-Relate?
Pre-COVID, finding solid Adult ADHD expertise was difficult enough.
Mid-COVID, marginal coping strategies hit their limits. “ADHD Denial” started dropping.
Simultaneously, regulations around “telehealth” eased—bringing opportunity but also need for caution with “virtual ADHD clinics”.
These websites typically offer no details about ownership, professional credentials, or really much of anything. If these are your only option when it comes to medication, this course will help you be a savvier mental healthcare consumer.
Are Frustrating—and Unreliable
A tip here. A blog post there. Miles of Reddit threads.
A strategy and webinar —or ten.
Maybe even a few books and dozens of YouTube videos.
It all has its place—if you can separate wheat from chaff.
Yet, even the most discerning consumers can find themselves misled in this age of copycat keywords, website traffic-boosting tricks, and free-for-all book publishing.
Even with the most accurate information, where is the framework, for fitting all the pieces together and filling in the gaps—in a way that makes sense for you? Not some generic idea of a person with ADHD or an ADHD-challenged couple.
Where is scaffolding that lets you keep building upon successes and creating lasting progress?
It’s right here. A systematic approach to thriving with Adult ADHD, in yourself or someone else. Based on the evidence of what works.
What Distinguishes This Content
from Other Options?
As the Adult with ADHD...
… you deserve straightforward, respectful, and engaging explanations about:
- The legitimacy of ADHD as a diagnosis
- It’s potential relevance to you as an individual, not a stereotype
- Reframing your life through the ADHD lens; airing reactions to diagnosis later in life
- Taking control of your goals via external supports and new habits
As the Partner or Other Loved One...
- Validation of the difficulties endured in isolation and “denial” of ADHD
- Freedom from feeling forced into the role of “nagger” or “codependent”
- Help identifying and revising your poor coping responses, developed from living with a loved one’s unrecognized or poorly managed ADHD
- Guidance in using teamwork to increase mutual understanding, cooperation, good will, and fun—whether or not the ADHD adult in your life joins you in this course!
As an ADHD-Affected Couple...
… you deserve a well-balanced approach, including:
- Validation for each partner’s struggles
- A solid education in what ADHD is—and is not
- Teamwork—comes more easily when you adopt certain mindsets, tools, and habits
- Guidance in planning for and tracking progress—and celebrating how far you’ve come
Unique Features and Format
9 Essential Topics
13 lessons in 6 steps (2:22 hours)Includes two quick "sneak peeks" of concepts covered more
thoroughly in Course 1—to quickly let you know here.... "I get it!"
Click each + to learn more:
I invite you to come on in and relax.
Right off the bat, I assure you of four things:
- You are in good company. You are not the only person or couple dealing with these issues. Not by a long shot.
- Your predictable ADHD-Related Challenges have explanations—and solutions.
- Despite your best efforts to find or cooperate with mental healthcare treatment, you might feel that you’re not making the progress you’d hoped for. And, despite your care providers’ best intentions, they might not possess the skills you need to take treatment to the next level. This is why self-education is crucial. So is advocating for yourself with healthcare providers.
- You’ll have support on this journey.
You’re not alone. Your challenges are not unique—and not “personality flaws.” That’s the first step toward relieving stress and paving a clear path to progress.
You get an idea of what happens at my longtime, popular discussion groups — one for adults with ADHD and one for the partners.
Right away, I want you to know that I “get it”.
Here we preview a major Step in Course 1.
Misinterpreting ADHD symptoms and poor coping attempts can create unnecessary ups and downs in life and in relationships.
All six couples are experiencing different types of common ADHD-related challenges.
Can you relate?
Can these relationship be saved?
Use your handy Action Steps Guide to note observations and questions (and write your own case profile). I’ll share my opinion, too!
Because right away, you can use a solid but simple model for making sense your confusing conflicts—and start moving that cycle in a more positive direction
This CBT-for-ADHD model lies at the heart of Adult ADHD-Focused Couples Therapy™—but it’s the proven standard for individuals, too!
Tired of Paying the "ADHD Tax"?
Poorly managed ADHD comes with a price—often a very high one. Call it the ADHD Tax.
- Replacing lost items — phones, glasses, umbrellas, tools
- Losing jobs, losing confidence
- Bouncing down the career ladder
- Unfinished educational degrees
- Paying late fees on bills and fines—missed appointments, traffic citations
- Over-spending, especially on impulse
- Losing sleep, poor health
- Therapy that never provides traction but still costs $100s, if not $1000s—to say nothing of time and emotional costs
- Damaged relationships & divorce
- Devastated hope that the future can be different
Launch Celebration Pricing
After August 1: $425
Note: Purchase now; start when you like—
Your 3 months of Zoom meetings begin when you begin the course.