A Smarter Way to Solve Your Adult ADHD Puzzle—
Including in Relationships
At Your Own Pace, In Your Own Space
There's Never Been
a Better Time Or Way to
Speed Your Learning Curve
If you have not lived with Adult ADHD—in yourself or a loved one—it’s impossible to grasp the depth, breadth, and sheer variety of potential challenges. That goes double when the diagnosis comes later in life.
Over the years, what started in childhood as this highly variable syndrome can morph into a murky mix of
- Negative or at least distorted feedback and self-talk, and
- Counter-productive coping responses (along with some useful ones).
- With parents and siblings, teachers, friends, intimate partners, the world—and vice-versa. With oneself.
How to begin making sense of this mix? By puzzling the pieces of your experience of a syndrome that affects individuals, not clones. One by one.
Think of it as de-constructing and re-constructing your ADHD Roller Coaster. This time without mysterious twists and turns—or teeth-rattling drops.
Imagine How It Feels...
Finding Solutions to
...As You Solve Your
Essential Puzzle Pieces
With Your Guide:
Can You COVID-Relate?
Pre-COVID, the situation for finding solid Adult ADHD expertise was difficult enough—for individuals or couples.
During COVID, the need reached crisis proportions. Marginal coping strategies hit their limits. “Denial” started to drop among the the adults themselves and their loved ones.
Now, millions seek help.
You Deserve Better
Maybe you’ve already tried therapy—and medication. It worked for a while.
In some ways, though, sometimes it made things worse.
At least, you might be wondering: Is that as good as it gets?
Most likely, no, life can get a whole lot better.
Which Pieces Puzzle You?
Can Be Confusing—and Slow
A tip here. A blog post there. Miles of Reddit threads.
A strategy and webinar —or ten.
Maybe even a few books and dozens of YouTube videos.
It all has its place—if you can separate wheat from chaff.
Even with the most accurate information, where is the framework, for fitting all the pieces together and filling in the gaps—in a way that makes sense for you?
Not some generic idea of a person with ADHD or an ADHD-challenged couple.
A Systematic Approach to
Thriving with Adult ADHD,
In Yourself or Someone Else
Based on the Evidence
of What Works
Check out this overview video
The Big Picture:
Why Four Puzzle Pieces?
Think of them as a jigsaw puzzle’s strategic four corners. Once you solve for those pieces, the rest of your personal picture falls so much more easily into place.
Course 1 is available now—and in itself a comprehensive game-changer, for individuals and couples.
First, the Bonus Module:
- Welcomes you to your virtual community—you’re among friends and we get!
- Provides a bird’s eye view of key issues in Course 1, letting you know right off the bat you’re in the right place
- Drops in on six ADHD-challenged couples to discuss, “Can This Relationship Be Saved?” I’ll offer my opinion and ask for yours!
Once you have this firm foundation, you might continue with any of the other three special-topic courses. Depending on your needs. Course 1, alone, however, will provide most individuals and couples the solid traction you’ve been seeking, even if you’ve been riding the ADHD Roller Coaster for years.
You’ll find more details in the overview video, above.
Meanwhile, here’s an overview of each course.
1. Psychological Education (about Adult ADHD and its common complications)— the foundation of all progress to come:
- Make sense of your life and relationships through the ADHD Lens
- Get very clear about what ADHD is (and isn’t) and symptoms are specifically challenging you
- Be pro-active in pursuing an ADHD evaluation
- Identify and revise dysfunctional patterns—within yourself and your relationships
- Gain the tools that help you plan for—and track— progress
- Learn all about Executive Functions and why it’s important to create “external supports” as an individual and a couple
- Know the importance of airing your actions to the diagnosis (though maybe not to your partner, just yet)
When you seek support and education for Adult ADHD, it means you value your life, your relationships, your family, right?
That probably means you probably prefer solid expertise and experience. Compassion and a sense of humor would be nice, too.
Psychologist and veteran ADHD expert Arthur L. Robin, PhD, and I jointly produced Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions.
In this training, I draws from that highly praised professional guide and her other authored works, along with 20 years’ experience in a range of ADHD-related issues, including relationships. Dr. Robin will join us regularly for virtual Q&A sessions.
My other credentials? Click to open these two categories of quick facts:
- My husband was diagnosed in 1999, only thanks to my dogged efforts to make sense of seemingly paradoxical behavior
- Founding and leading for 16 years an online group for the partners of adults with ADHD—10,000 members and 14,000 posts to date
- Leading two face-to-face groups in Silicon Valley for 15 years: One for adults with ADHD, one for the “partners of”
- Attending years of high-level conferences on ADHD
- Reading hundreds of published papers and books
- Conducting the first and most comprehensive, rigorous survey on Adult ADHD and relationships, the ADHD Partner Survey (2004-6), findings of which are included in Dr. Russell Barkley’s clinical guide
- Writing and Speaking
- Publishing in 2008 the groundbreaking Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?— the first and only book to detail:
—The Executive Functions Framework
—The cumulative impact of living years without diagnosis
—The dual nature of “denial”—and how to get past it
—The potential effect of poorly managed ADHD on intimate partners
—Evidence-based treatment strategies, in layperson’s terms
- Winner of four national book awards; endorsed by a Who’s Who of preeminent experts
- By invitation, contributed the first-ever chapter on ADHD couple therapy to the “gold standard” clinical guide edited by Russell Barkley, PhD, a preeminent ADHD expert
- By invitation, produced with esteemed ADHD authority Arthur L. Robin, PhD, the first clinical guide for treating ADHD-challenged couples: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy: Clinical Interventions
- By invitation, speaking at major ADHD conferences internationally
What Distinguishes This Course
on Adult ADHD
(including in Relationships)
Is This Training for
Couples or Individuals?
- Adults with ADHD (already diagnosed or not), in a relationship or not
- Spouses, intimate partners , and other loved ones (parents, siblings, adult children, friends) —whether the ADHD Partner joins us or not!
- Professionals (more about that here)
As the Adult with ADHD...
… you want straightforward, respectful, and engaging explanations about:
- The legitimacy of ADHD and its potential relevance in your life—your particular experience of this highly variable syndrome
- The “emotional baggage” associated with diagnosis later in life
- Why validation is important—and continuing to “try harder” futile—and so is knowing you are not alone
- Joint approaches that increase cooperation, good will, and follow through—with “nagging” sideline
As the Partner or
Other Loved One...
… you want all that for the adult with ADHD in your life— and, particularly for yourself, you seek:
- Validation of your perceptions, the difficulties you’ve endured in isolation and the wrong explanations that might blame you, including for the so-called “parent-child dynamic”
- Freedom from feeling forced into the role of “nagger” or “codependent”
- Direction in distinguishing ADHD symptoms from “bad habits” and “personality”
- Ways to identify and revise your “emotional baggage” born from living with a loved one’s unrecognized or poorly managed ADHD
- Encouragement to practice self-care and pursue your personal goals — instead of getting lost trying to manage the unmanageable
- Learning how to work with the Adult ADHD person in your life to increase mutual understanding, cooperation, good will, and follow through
As an ADHD-Affected Couple...
… it’s important to know that:
- ADHD affects individuals, not clones
- Teamwork is important for setting short and long-term goals
- So is tracking (and celebrating) progress
- Chore-sharing is possible! Same for money management and co-parenting.
- The wrong advice can exacerbate a difficult situation—and keep you stuck
- Anger, irritability, procrastination, disorganization, and other counter-productive behaviors can be part of ADHD neurobiology—and typically respond to treatment
- It takes education and exploration to begin to understand what are ADHD symptoms and what are poor habits developed over years of undiagnosed ADHD.
The right strategies can help you jointly improve organization around time, things, priorities, chore-sharing—and intimacy
Everyone Means Well
Friends and family members want to help. But their advice might fall flat—or even compound shame and isolation.
Standard therapy—individual or couple—lacks an orientation to ADHD’s neurobiological challenges. Therefore, it risks misinterpreting dysfunctional patterns’ causes—and each partner’s responses to them.
Coaching can be helpful—but cannot address the full range of needs. Even the best coaching efforts can’t “land” on a foundation of confusion and conflict.
Even well-qualified ADHD psychotherapists often lack the knowledge to extend their expertise to relationships.
For example, we often find a tendency to recruit the “partner of” as a secretary or helper. That can be a recipe for resentment on both sides.
What Does That Leave?
For starters, that leaves a merging of evidence-based principles from both couple therapy and Adult ADHD therapy: Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy™.
ADHD-challenged individuals and couples—and other loved ones, too— need a larger framework for explaining the inexplicable and managing the unmanageable.
In fact, maybe the relationship is strong, though weakening under stress. Such couples benefit not from therapy but from training in doing things differently—with less stress, more fun.
For couples with extra challenges, imagine how much better therapy will go if you’ve already pieced together the ADHD portion of your unique puzzle.
What is The Format?
The Foundational Course 1,
is available NOW.
It Might Be All You Need—
Or You Can Check Back Later
for 3 Other Major Puzzle Pieces
Sample Views Below
9 Major Steps
2:22 hours; 13 lessons in 6 steps
This introductory module provides an overview of key concepts covered more thoroughly in Course 1—plus in-depth profiles of ADHD-challenged couples
Click each item to learn more:
Knowing you’re not alone, that your problems aren’t particular to you, that’s the first step toward relieving stress and paving a clear path to progress
Deconstructing the ups and downs in your life created by misinterpreting and then poorly coping with ADHD symptoms—as an individual and a couple
All six couples are experiencing different types of common ADHD-related challenges: Can you relate? Can these relationship be saved? Use your handy Action Steps Guide to note observations and questions (and write your own case profile). I’ll share opinion, too!
Because right away, you can use a solid but simple model for de-constructing your confusing conflicts—and turning that cycle in a more positive direction
This CBT-for-ADHD model lies at the heart of Adult ADHD-Focused Couples Therapy™—but it works for individuals, too!